“As I was walking by the aromatic hibiscus within the pink walls of our university, I felt the drizzle touching my lips. Suddenly, the rain poured into my soul. Just like a child fearing the dark, I ran away from the tears of nature, as if to be stranded in the rain and flood when someone unexpectedly pulled my arm. At that moment, I never expected that I would see the sun smiling above me, but then realized that something brighter than the sun shone underneath the umbrella he was sharing with me. The raindrops started to dramatically hit the ground in slow motion, and a lovely K-Drama-esque instrumental came in crescendo… I did not know this man but I felt through his sparkling eyes that we had met before. Along with the rain pouring heavily and loudly, my heart started to beat rapidly. Standing in front of the Avelino golden statue, Doña Librada Avelino has witnessed how our love started.”
Have you felt the butterflies in your stomach or the so-called “kilig” while indulging in every line of the story you just read? Have you ever imagined yourself being engaged in this kind of idealistic, movie-like scenario? Admit it or not, you at least once drowned yourself in daydreams filled with clichés and tropes where you fell in love with a grumpy and wealthy CEO, became entangled in a chaotic situation, and later realized that you were both meant to be together. People tend to imagine themselves as the main characters of their own stories, waiting for that happy ending with their perfect oppas in life.
Is falling in love and anticipating a good partner in life a bad thing? Of course not.
But just as salt and sugar can be mistaken interchangeably, what you feel and dream of at the moment might be beguiling. For instance, you saw a high-quality refrigerator at a whopping 50% discount. You were persuaded to buy it immediately, as the pictures were appealing and the price sounded like a steal. However, when the product was delivered, you saw a small box instead and found a plastic toy refrigerator inside of it. You were completely deceived! All your efforts, time, and money were put to waste.
Putting the example in the context of romance, we could grasp a pinch of the difference between love and infatuation. Think about it, you purchased the refrigerator based on the mesmerizing pictures and written offers it had shown. Just like infatuation, you fall in love with what you perceive and feel at the moment. More often than not, people thought that they were in love because they were captivated by the spotless looks and ideas of others.
To satisfy one’s eyes, people perfectly curate their feelings based on the mere physical traits of others. Infatuation is a strong feeling of desire that leads to impulsive decisions. It has an enormous effect on one’s heart and mind that is comparable to anesthesia. Before a medical procedure begins, anesthesia is given to patients to relieve the pain. After a couple of hours, when it is slowly losing its effectiveness, patients will start to feel the pain. Just like an infatuated person, they might think that what they feel at the moment is permanent. However, when the anesthetic fantasy becomes futile, pain occurs.
Indeed, infatuation is mistaken for the real thing because of how the media and online platforms portray what love is. Entertainment media companies are definitely the culprits, as they create content that depicts love as something sweet, beautiful, and flattering. Often, the stories are repeated over and over again, and we could even guess what the ending would be. The high standard and almost-perfect relationships reflected in movies, dramas, and social media are adopted by the citizens. Just like in the world of business, love is being marketed as flawless, and individuals become patrons of the cliché scenarios of the fictional love.
The bottom line is, why do people still consume and advocate the distorted stereotype of love in the mainstream media? Because it sells. People are in love with the world of unproblematic relationships because, in the real world, being in love does not always involve “kilig” and cute moments. Of course, who would want a chaotic relationship anyway? The love that we consume on the screens of our phones becomes an outlet for escapism because personal relationships are filled with challenges, as seen in our everyday lives. Scholars Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery proposed that conflict is always present in every relationship. Meaning, we cannot expect a perfect relationship with a comfortable lifestyle and flawless partners, as struggles and differences in life are inevitable between couples.
Setting standards is not bad at all, but if you set your scale according to what society and social media dictate, you might blur the line between reality and make-believe. The truth is, there is no such thing as “happily ever after” in real life. But if we continue to live in this fantasy, we could potentially hurt ourselves and our feelings just because the truth means unmet expectations.
Remember the story earlier? What if I told you that the “oh so charming guy” did not share the same feelings the girl had for him as he was just asking for some cash so he could go home? The worst part is that he actually left his wallet in his girlfriend’s bag before she left and before the rain poured. Does that mean that falling in love already connotes agony and bitterness? Obviously, no. We just have to balance the beam of expectations and realities to avoid self-devastation and deception.
Love is beautiful. To attain it, one must accept each other’s imperfections and weaknesses. Before you get drowned by the man or woman of your dreams, get to know them very well, not merely by the things that are perceivable by the eye, such as their physical characteristics.
Consider these questions: Is he responsible when it comes to academic and work-related requirements? What are his goals and perceptions in life? Does he respect his parents, classmates, and colleagues?
Assessing one’s feelings is a good aid in understanding your circumstances. Ask yourself, “Am I really in love with him, or am I just in love with the feeling of being in love?” Love comes with knowledge. It is a continuous wheel of experiences, emotions, and challenges.
In this love month, most are panic-buying to buy their ideal love that filtered social media sells. Some are asking, “𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐈 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞?” Keep in mind that love is not a race. Do not hurry and look for someone you are just infatuated with. Would you rather purchase a love that is fake and substandard just because it is trendy and in-season? You might get broke and be left unsatisfied! Instead of posting, “Looking for a date on 14,” try saying, “Definitely going to spoil myself on 14.”